3 Lessons I Learned From My Friend, Who Stole From Me
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3 Lessons I Learned From My Friend, Who Stole From Me

3 Lessons I Learned From My Friend, Who Stole From Me

Have you ever had betrayal knock you on your rear?

Recently, it happened to me — and in my case, the thief was a friend. Here’s the short story:

A friend of seventeen years received a package meant for me… and she kept it.

I looked around for it for seven months – as it was something that meant quite a lot to me – and the whole time she pretended like she didn’t have it.

You know the odd thing? She’s someone who has more material belongings than I will ever have. So when I realized she’d taken it, I found myself in a state of disbelief. One question kept reverberating in my mind:

“How could she steal from me?”

Her actions both saddened and puzzled me. Why would someone do this to another person, let alone their friend? It was as if she had violated a simple, instinctive code between mutually loving humans. I started to fall into a state of despair, wondering how it is that humans find new ways to betray each other every day.

And then BAM — wise words from a wise woman was gifted to me.

It was like the universe started making it rain on me — a cracking, sudden downpour – and I had to scramble for a pen as three lessons came pouring into my whole being.

Because a friend told me why she stole…

“She has no abundance consciousness.”

For when you steal, you take. You take from others. You take from others so you can have more.

When you lack abundance consciousness, you feel like wealth is finite matter to be hoarded — for you to gain a higher stack, you diminish those around you.

And then I realized that abundance consciousness is less of an attitude — it’s a perspective on how you see yourself in this beautiful universe.

So I wondered aloud: “Do I have an abundance consciousness?” I do. Here is what it means to me. If abundance consciousness were a recipe, these would be the ingredients…

 Abundance Consciousness

RECEIVE.

Receiving is the first step of abundance consciousness. I mean truly receive the gift of abundance. Whether it’s a compliment, an acknowledgement, someone who wants to pay you your full worth… whatever it is, receive it, fully.

For example, if it’s a check for being paid to speak — don’t just put it in the bank by rote, or cash it in, immediately worrying about the next thing. Take the gift. Drink it in. This is the reality that you are receiving recognition for your worth. To truly receive it is to honor it. Don’t negotiate it, don’t downplay it, don’t push it away.

You’ve got to be present so you can FULLY take it in. When people give you something, part of their joy is watching it be received. There is power in fully accepting this into your being. Otherwise it kind of energetically bounces off you.

Take it in, take it in, take it in. Receive.

CARE.

This may be a familiar scenario: You get a compliment. You know what I mean. Someone locks eyes with you and offers you sincere praise. Maybe they are thanking you for going out of your way to do something that made their world better.

But, uh oh.

Like a meteorite dissolving through its rapid trajectory into the earth’s atmosphere, the compliment evaporates. It comes, you look at it, you may acknowledge it —more likely, you brush it off — then you put it away.

When you have received abundance, the next step is to pour care into it. And part of that is listening deeply. Truly listening.

Once you have received abundance — however small a gesture it may seem — care comes next. Like a gardener watering plants, you put in care for what has been received.

When you care, you lock eyes right back and, from your soul, you offer thanks. When you care, you allow the words to be received, to marinate into your bones so that they get captured there. There is a tattoo into you that they have spoken, and you have received that. It is yours to care for. Care is a form of gratitude.

And you remember. You remember. It’s not enough to just listen, to put forth care is to remember. What isn’t heard is easily forgotten. What matters lingers. It permeates you, like ink on skin. And so it lasts.

GIVE.

Giving is the return. What do I mean by that? Having received and cared for your abundance, you begin to give back — you reach out, pouring yourself outwards, as your gift radiates itself tenfold into the world.

Such is the multiplicity of abundance — it is always growing. Always expanding.

When you believe that to have more is to take away from others, you are stepping away from abundance consciousness. You are limiting yourself.

Giving is thanking from a true place. It’s magnetic. For example, if I get a check for speaking, it’s not just about receiving a payment and being thankful for it — it is just as important to let the gesture inspire my gift. In turn, on stage, I give my heart, I give my soul, I give my attention, and I pour myself into my speaking.

Give great love. Think well of each other. Taking this action will bring you internal peace and serve as a conduit towards finding the namasté (the God) in each of us.

Having something stolen from me triggered a familiar brand of melancholy – and for a time, I felt beat up. Going to that dark place was tough, but necessary.

Sometimes you’ve gotta go through the storm to earn the gift on the other side.

Pretending that something is not wrong – when it is – is to ignore the inner compass that gives our lives legitimacy and meaning and truth.

By passing through pain, I arrived at a place of healing. Of giving. Giving loving thought in my life gave me the space I needed to send loving prayers to my friend on her own path.

So GIVE. Give with your words. We can be so casual about what we say and how we say it. Practice being thoughtful with language.

Give with your thoughts. It is through giving that you change your perspective about yourself and the world around you. And you change the world.

Theft is ugly. Betrayal is ugly. But giving loving thought is to find the underlying truth beneath the ugliness – we transcend the petty desire to dismantle the humanity of another being. And so we grow.

And even though I am no longer friends with the woman who stole from me, I know in my heart there is no lacking.

Such is the gift of abundance consciousness.

* *

Now, I’d love to hear from you. Has anyone ever stolen from you — if so, how did you handle it?

Tell me: what area of abundance consciousness could use some attention in your life?

Let’s talk in the comments.

 

Wild Love,

Melanie Dewberry Signature

 

 

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12 Comments
  • Carla
    Posted at 05:38h, 10 October Reply

    I’m so sorry that happened, Melanie. No, I’ve never been stolen from, but I do think I could give attention to all three areas of abundance consciousness…

  • Ritu
    Posted at 04:48h, 23 December Reply

    Wow, what a powerful story and what a hard knock. It is our closest friends who give us our hardest lessons, isn’t it? I recently had a similar experience. Although my friend didn’t steal from me, she stirred up something ugly inside of me that need to be looked at, that needed to be healed.
    Melanie, you are a brilliant writer. Your words stirred emotion in me and that’s SO RARE in blogs related to business these days. So thank you for that.
    love,
    Ritu

  • Emma
    Posted at 20:46h, 10 October Reply

    How do you sever these ties in a conscious, dignified way? I’ve just been stolen from, petty as it was, but you’re right in that the action is what truly hurts because of what it speaks. I want to accept that this person is just in a different mindset and on a different path, but it’s difficult not to act out of pain. That being said, how can I release this person from my life? Thank you in advance.

    • Melanie DewBerry
      Posted at 00:13h, 10 November Reply

      Emma, it is true the old adage that time heals our wounds. This person is showing where they need to be loved. Say goodbye, do a ceremony to release your energy from there. Bless yourself and your heart. Bless them. And ask for more help like this.

  • Susan
    Posted at 02:02h, 30 December Reply

    It’s true, the person in question, needs to be loved… or more importantly,,,, feel loved. They do not.. that is why they do it.. It has happened to me.. OK,, truth be told,, it is happening to me… the woman in question has had a horrific childhood experience.. (actually a number of them – all involving some level of abuse)… for my part, I’ve suspected the stealing for a while… and a short while ago ….. it was confirmed to me.. (albeit, if I hadn’t been aware, it would not have been obvious..)… I wasn’t angry at first ,,, in fact I sort of felt I understood it….. however, the longer it goes on unmentioned (if you will) … well I’m starting to feel a little angry,,,
    Ok, back to the start,, I sell things.. and now I make things (to sell) … she has bought a few items over the years… but what she has stolen (which I am now coming to realize the magnitude)… is in fact, quite substantial.. OK,,, again truth be told,, the things she has taken are not in line with what I am doing now. …. (but they were at the time)… and in truth,, they are just things…. and argh…. it’s starting to get at me…
    The last time I saw her was at her house,, and she was showing me stuff in her bedroom… and yes, jewelry was a part of it.. .. and then I noticed a piece that I know full well she did not purchase from me (and no,, there is no local retailer who sells this piece)… I saw it,, said I didn’t realize she had “that” piece… she said … “well I’ve bought quite a lot of stuff from you” ,,, yes,, I say,, but I didn’t realize you had that… I let it go at the time (because I know full well she didn’t get it from me… at least not legitimately)… and I didn’t wish to take it further then…… but now,, as I do an inventory of my current stock.. I realize there is a lot (and I do mean a LOT)… missing.. YES, I’m starting to get angry…. and I realize it’s not about me.. and stuff is stuff… but I’m actually starting to get a little angry…

  • T
    Posted at 13:13h, 20 September Reply

    Yes I have had a person I considered a friend and potential mate stolen from me I had invited her to come to some events because she likes to make clothes and was and still is unemployed these events would have help get her business off the ground she said she needed help with her phone bill I loaned her $400 before the day she came down the. She shows up late to the event that would of helped her. Her phone was cracked couldn’t make calls so I let her use my phone she cashed apped herself another 400 of my money. And I had to go to court for it and she was not even sorry I gave her a week to return it before court she refused and I chose to go to mediation got half the money back if I didn’t chose mediation she would be in jail with 2 charges domestic assault on me and credit card fraud

  • courtney kelly
    Posted at 12:46h, 26 April Reply

    I experienced recently three thefts from me. They were total strangers and it was petty items. A delivery of a $10 item, flower pots, and shoes. I found this article because I wanted to know how to deal with my anger, when it swells with iij n, so that I continue to blossom in my healing. I do not feel uncomfortable in my space but I am more aware of my surroundings. All items have been replaced and returned to where the original items were stolen. While these were random items I am seeing not only a pattern in behavior but how my enjoyment in living is what is under attack. Thank you for this article.

    • Melanie DewBerry
      Posted at 03:57h, 05 October Reply

      Thank you for your heart felt experience. Sounds to me like you’re growing.

  • Don
    Posted at 01:19h, 06 February Reply

    I was manipulated for a lot of money by a girlfriend for drugs. I was too gullible, afterward I felt embarrassed and ashamed.. She kept accusing me of not trusting her, where the money was going, all while she was deceiving me. Kept coming up with semi crisis situations that she needed help with. When she finally admitted it, I felt used and numb for a few days. And then one evening I cried for a minute or so that unc0ntrollable, gasping, loud cry. I think because I felt treated like an object instead of a person, and that she had abused my trust.

  • Sutah Ann Robins
    Posted at 11:50h, 25 November Reply

    Melanie, thank you! I was married on 1021/21. Both friends I asked to stand with me for the ceremony stole from me at the oceanfront feast after. I furnished expensive napkins and napkin rings for the table. I also put handmade favors on each plate and told my guest to please take the favors. One of my guests put together “bride tribe” wine glasses filled with chocolates that all were to take as well. I served a 5 course wine pairing lunch with Dom Perignon champagne that flowed freely. After the lunch I was gathering the napkins and napkin rings. One napkin missing, 2 napkin rings missing. I thought, “maybe in with the gifts and I’ll look when I get home.” Couldn’t find. One of the bridesmaids gave my husband and I a Tiffany silver pen each. The other gave nothing. As we were entering the restaurant she said “I have something for you, it’s not dry yet.” Ok. Fine. The following Sunday on the way to church I remarked to the one who gave pens “I’m missing a napkin and 2 napkin rings from our lunch..” She said “Oh, I took a napkin and a ring., I hung the napkin in my bathroom over my guest towels. It’s so perfect there.” I said nothing.. A few days later I took the other to lunch on the beach. I mentioned the same to her. She said “I think I accidentally took one of the rings.” I have paid for lunch for us a few more times. She has not brought the gift or returned the ring. These are small things,yes, but I am really bothered that BOTH took from me. For the past week I have battled with should I just take myself out of these relationships or get over it. I think by my taking the one out to expensive lunches I have showed I am not petty in heart and want to forgive. But! I would like her to say “I’m sorry” or “May I keep it” or even return it. I read something recently “accept an apology. deny access.” I loved that. Neither has apologized. I just want to say “access denied”. Your post resonated with me. Thank you!!

    • Melanie DewBerry
      Posted at 16:44h, 25 November Reply

      ask for what you want. ask for it to be returned. Be powerful enough to ask

  • Drea Marsh
    Posted at 22:07h, 01 December Reply

    I have a friend who recently took something from me and something from a housesitting situation. When confronted he offered to bring the item back. I told him not to bother.. As he had made a choice. Also I don’t want to see him right now because I am so hurt and angry by his actions and his response. I did cut him off via the social media. I did do ceremony/ritual around the scenario By writing down my thoughts regarding the situation and burning the paper. I love this person very much and I’m hurt that I have to release his friendship.
    This article was incredibly helpful. I am moving through the tough emotions to get to the place of compassion and wishing this person well with full heart of love.

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