(650) 346-3581 (PST)courage@melaniedewberry.comIt’s a real world. It’s time to be real in it.

Don’t Give Up

Rescue MeWhat if you were wealthy?
Truly wealthy and prosperous.

No, I’m not talking money, though I love what the color green does for my life.

I’m talking about you feeling completely integrated, loved, and adored.

I’m talking about your art/ work being applauded, and even demanded.

I’m talking validation.

I have to admit to you, O’ Lovely One, that I have secretly and sometimes publicly (on Facebook) spoken about my need for my work to be validated.

I decided that external validation was a necessary thing and perhaps required for me to move fully forward.

Moving fully forward meant that I would no longer be second guessing the worth of my work.  There would be no more reading another book on getting my energy or whatever aligned to really be prosperous, or buying another F*in book on “how to” marketing for my work to be desired.

Do you have innate desire for something (your work, your being, your heart, your ideas, your creativity) to be acknowledged as worthy?

If so, I’m with you, Babe.

I’ve got to tell you thatI wanted to give up. I wasn’t getting the validation I wanted. I wondered if the world wanted my work, the way I see consciousness, how I talk about Your Original Medicine and Your Original Story. Did they care that you can Language your Consciousness with a handful of divine words and recontextualize your being and relationships? Could the world understand and be glorified by the Power of Naming work I had created? I questioned my relevance.

At 54, I wondered if is too late for this gal and if I should I take it all up again in my next life.
At the start of the year I told my husband if I don’t get a big lift up I would consider getting a regular job. After nineteen years, many of them financially successful but not truly prosperous, I’d give up. I hated telling my husband that, but the past five years have not been as prosperous as the pre mom transition point in my life. In 2008, I fell into a deep dark hole after my mother’s death and the comeback has been … well, a comeback.

The very lovely gift of death, be that a metaphysical one or a real one, is that it gives great wisdom, compassion, grace, grit and a don’t give up until they take me away attitude. Walking up and over the fifty year mark, gave me another repurposing of my being. Walking toward a life with fewer years ahead of than behind lights a fire of “screw my fears” and “give great passion.” And so I did. I told my fears to have a seat and grabbed on to love and passion for the ride of the rest of my life.

David Whyte, the poet, was one saving grace. Each year I’d attend a few of his events. I’d listen to how he holds and enfolds his poetry into the world. I’d marvel at the 200 people that would gather from near and far to be in his presence and hear his soul tell its tales. He believed in his art.

I needed this man, this mentor to save me. Yes, I needed saving.  I became friendly with his staff and when I inquired about his success, they said it has not always been this way. He didn’t have this following; his work wasn’t always revered. I’ve never really spoken to David, but he spoke to me. His art and determination spoke to me. He’s a poet, damn it, and he made it work! He never gave up and neither shall you.

Don’t you give up. Be. Do. Live  as you are meant to. Don’t question your worth, you art, your creativity, your desires.

Be that wealthy wand give yourself the richest experience – and, my friend, your financial wealth will shift. though it won’t matter as much. Do everything that’s yours to do. Leave all the noise about how and build your work, your life, one sure footed step at a time.

Here is the thing about validation. It’s FINE to need it but once you get it – accept it, roll on the ground like it’s a pile of cash, because it is. Define what validation looks like for you, so you recognize it when it comes.

And then, My Love, be + do the thing that wants to be presented and accounted for. Do it with hot steamy passionate love. Do it though it hurts sometimes. Do it, though no one is looking and you think no one cares. Do it, though it scares the hoo-hoo out of you. Do it and then cry and talk it out.

Do not medicate your desires, live them. Do not exercise it out, knit it out, drink it out, or shop it out. I’ve done most of these and they just add fuel to the negative fire that say – “oh go ahead and stop, how many years are you going to keep at it with no result?”

Medication is procrastination. Procrastination is painful!

In June I taught a coaching course in Hawaii to the most joyous people I’ve ever known. I mention to them I had a desire to be published by Hay House. One participant, Gerald, would email me from time to time telling me I could do anything I put my mind to. At first I pushed his kind message away, saying “how sweet, Gerald” and then I realized that this disregard was my biggest problem. This was the validation I was looking for!   I wrote to him telling him I needed validation. He replied in big letters: YOU’RE VALIDATED!!!!!.  I decided to believe him and entered a contest for publishing contract.

And then the call came. Hay House called to publish my book, “The Power of Naming”. It’s a odd thing being validated (by Gerald first) as my phone hasn’t stop ringing since it happened. You see, the trick to validation making you prosperous, is to accept and let it fill the hole you thought you had. Stop looking for it once it’s been given. Walk your validate talk, do your work, do you, be wealthy.  Folks I’ve not spoken to in years are calling to hire me to do a Wisdom Salon at their event. By the way if you are in Portland on March 1st I’ll be do a Salon at the Economics of Happiness. Reach out if you are in the area. I’d love to give you all the validation you need.

If it’s helpful find a savior do that (yep, I call David that. I needed saving from despair and letting go).
If you are ready to dive deep in what you want to be validated, I’m here for you.
In the meantime, check out this sweet video on validation

Thank you Alan Seale for all your love.


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Showing 3 comments
  • Pat Obuchowski

    I love your writing Melanie. You honesty and openness touches my heart and it always hits so close to where I am at the same time you are going through it. You have inspired me to “be + do the thing that wants to be presented and accounted for” yet once again. I feel validated.

  • Bernadette Rodebaugh

    You are my hero and my inspiration thank you for your words of wisdom. I just announced to my family and friends I’m starting my spiritual career as a writer as I just retired from my career as a hairstylist of 23 years. Today I signed up for the writers workshop for Hayhouse in Chicago. Thank you, Bernadette

    • Melanie DewBerry

      Bernadette, I’m very behind in replying but I wanted to respond to your comment on my blog – Yay you Bernadette for signing up for the Hay House Writers Workshop. Keep on this path. Surround yourself with people who get you. Accept your exceptonalness. You are. I promise. Love, Melanie DewBerry