You’ll Never Change

In many of the books we read, the mantras they tell us to quote don’t give us the contextual depth from which those quotes came. Our minds work in compliance with either our soul or our ego. Ego loves a mantra because it makes you believe you’re doing something. I really dislike this kind of empty selling of spirituality.

A client recently told me that she heard at a conference to give more and she would be happier because life would give back to her.

*sigh*

She gave and couldn’t understand why she was depressed. Double sigh.

Start with the you inside. Look within to see who you are and who you want to become. Who is the you that makes your decisions?

Consider a characteristic that will transform you. Being a person of character, of fortitude, empathetic or more gracious can transform your being. It will call into question the stuff that keeps peace at bay.

Sure, you’ll need to practice the behavior, doing so will inform you, but if your focus is solely on the action of being gracious and not on learning about the “you” who struggles with gracious, your change won’t stick. When do you pass up the opportunity to be gracious? What becomes more important in the moment you say no to gracious?

Life, my love, is a practice. And it’s hard. It’s really really hard to change for real. It’s hard because we don’t really want to do the work of change, we just want the results – now. Real life is not going to be bossed around by your ego. Now is relative.

Change tells you to let go of _______(fill in the blank). We get over  identified with the blank. We think we are the blank and guess what? We end up with blank -nada, zip, zero.

You’ve got this cool soul that is pulling for you. You’ve got swag and fortitude so you can do this thing called life. You can change.

My itty bitty advice: Go get your crew. Get those peeps that love you, no matter what, and lean in hard. Get your therapist, your coach, your support group and your tight friends. You will need them all.

You’ll never pull it off alone – change doesn’t work that way. Let me say that a different way. If you attempt to do change all by yourself you don’t understand how change works.

If being vulnerable is scary – join the club. What should be really scary is never changing. I know, I know, your ego wants you to believe you can do it alone. You don’t want to feel ashamed of your wobbly bits, your stinky choices, your warts. Doing this kind of spiritual growth alone is like trying to play hide and seek with yourself.

Be assured we see all your bits (you’re not the magician you thought you were) and those in your crew love you anyway. We are pulling for you.

Practice coupled with self reflection cultivates the wisdom that you’ll need as you age. Wisdom becomes your navigational system. You can just get older, most people settle for that, or you can become a wise someone.

Navigated by soul or lost with the ego.

Your choice.

Life takes insightful practice.