06 Jan How to Endure the Pain of Change
Change is painful. There is no way around that. It is painful because it requires giving up something you’ve been comfortable with (a belief, an attitude, a behavior) and have embraced for a long time. Letting go of an old habit is painful enough but then you have to integrate a new way of being and the learning curve on that can be steep.
But change doesn’t hurt as much as staying stuck. Whatever you want for yourself or your family change is going to be required.
No one gets to keep the same patterns and behaviors their entire life without a cost.
Being human isn’t easy.
Enduring the Pain of Change
Here are a few thoughts on how to endure the pain of change
Vision and Smile
This maybe the one time I tell you to focus on the end result. Visualize the experience of you in this new behavior and what it will give. Smile about it and then do your very best to have your thoughts, speech and actions in alignment with that smile
Breathe, it’s just a hot flash
Notice that when you stay and breathe through the pain how brief the pain truly is.
Our fear of the pain can keeps us from going through it. When in actuality the pain is not as long or as difficult as we imagine it to be. If you were a female about my age I’d say it’s last as long as a hot flash. They don’t feel good but they pass quickly.
Get over it
We are adults a.k.a. grown ups, and we just have to get over it being hard. You can do this.
Recount your past success with change, however small. We forget how much we’ve done before when we are changing in the now. Get over it. Under it. Through it.
Misery loves company
Get an accountability partner to check in every single day. I’m being a sarcastic when I say misery loves company. Change happens much easier if you are working with someone else who wants change too. You can cheer each other on. When my coaching clients are integrating a new behavior I have them call or text me everyday for a month! I’ve got their back. If they don’t check in I check up on what is going on.
Take a stand for change
Speak up about your change. If someone wants to go shopping and your kicking the spending habit tell them “I’d love to spend time with you – let’s go for a walk”. Notice I didn’t go into an explanation about why I don’t want to shop. You can explain that but you don’t have to. Replace shopping with drinking, eating, gossiping. If the person keeps trying to lure you back into that old hell tell them you’re busy because you are. You’re busy changing. Change needs space and support. not seduction.
Recalculating!
Stop visiting places where hell lives. If you are changing how you compare yourself to others which invokes jealousy and hater behavior take a social media fast. Take a break from talking about your pain with friends and start talking-to yourself about your new you. Whenever I take a wrong turn my GPS systems says “recalculating” in the most annoying voice but she puts me back on the map heading in the right direction. Do that for yourself. Catch yourself when you hear your brain going to that same old tired belief and say out loud RECALCULATING! and have a good laugh.
Believe You can have what the change will bring you.
Belief cannot be understated. When I’m in San Francisco, I tell my friends: “let me drive I’ve got great parking karma”. I always get a great spot easily. Imagine what I could create throughout my life with this. Get up every morning focused on the now you.
Go to sleep blessing yourself for your focus.
Pray on it!
Be Patient. You’ve been doing this old behavior for a really really long time. It’s going to take minute to get this new-now you together.
How do you get through change? I’d love to hear what you have to say. Add your comments below!
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